Archive for September, 2009

New Kid on the Block

Our engagement period was a short one before I chose to move my shoes, my dogs, and my life to Mi Hombre’s city. As much as I dreaded giving up my house with it’s Zen garden, it was the only way our relationship could work. Super-girl could not be relocated like a prized piece of furniture although; the thought had crossed my mind. I sadly boxed up my things, said goodbye to life as I once new it, and moved an hour south to a fresh and upcoming little city.

Yep, I was the new kid on the block. His tiny house was cute in a craftsman’s sort of way. It was completely urban central and located in the middle of a quaint little art district. At first, I thought that trading in my country escape for city central may not be so bad. There was no longer a need for delivery-you can walk, when you can’t sleep there is usually a local band playing on the corner or a show at the neighborhood theater. Gallery hops bring fresh faces, the pubs bring comical wandering drunks, and the transitioning of the area always houses its fair share of displaced hobos. I know all of this paints a wonderful and hip new beginning…great locale, good food, gallery hops, and of course new shoe stores…and it was…short lived.

With my announcement to the neighbourhood came the Welcome Wagon. Not the flower basket and apple pie that one may traditionally hope for, this Welcome Wagon consisted of the ex wife, the ex friends and the many remnants of the ex life. I felt like a display item, a circus show freak, like a complete outsider. As I explored the neighborhood shops and boutiques it was like everyone knew who I was before I ever had a chance to introduce myself. It never failed that everywhere I went I either ran into the ex or her friends surrounded me. It was strange, unsettling and very foreign to me. The stares, the insincere hand shakes, the silence, the gossip, it all felt very much like I had walked into the movie set of “Mean Girls.” I was in her territory, on her block and she wanted me to know it.

Well, I heard it loud and clear, and when the poisonous arrows began to fly from the little green house around the corner it was time that Mi Hombre and I listed the house for sale. You see it isn’t that we don’t enjoy a challenge-we have plenty. It is not like we were bowing down and being bullied out of the neighborhood, because she isn’t that powerful. It is because we both have a low threshold for toxicity, and toxic was what it was becoming. The frequent boundary violations, the incessant calls, the inappropriate emails, the unwelcome visits had me at my whit’s-end and Mi Hombre summoning the ex back into mediation. We want a happy and healthy future for our remarriage. This includes a sanctuary, a home that is ours to symbolize our new beginning, serve as a pillar of hope and inspiration-absolutely nothing remnant of the past.

…It has almost been two years, we are still living in the cute little craftsman-and around the corner from the ex. Granted, I have done what I can-I have made the best of it. Admittedly, some days my tolerance is better than others. Some days I curse it as a toxic hellhole and have a tantrum about the fact that we are still here. Friends? Sadly, it seems to be true that as you age they seem harder to find. There are many acquaintances though, and as a stepmother there are plenty of biomom’s to befriend-that is, if they welcome you to their clique, given that you aren’t a real “mom.” With all negativity aside, I have on several occasions been able to enjoy the hip little neighbourhood for what it is and without disruption. I have spent hours getting acquainted to this quickly growing fresh new city. Without any hesitation I can say, that I have come to enjoy it quite nicely.

And, on those days when I feel confined, unbalanced or stressed, I spend a lot of time back in my old stomping grounds where friends are bountiful, the atmosphere is sweet and the wine is fruitful. I hold tight on hope. I keep dreaming of that beginning when my life will have privacy and be uniquely ours. I believe, that one day, when the economic river begins to flow again. I will have my house, with a new Zen garden and sans the ex wife, the ex friends, and the ex life.

2009/09/24 at 3:36 PM 2 comments

M.I.A.

That is where I have been literally, missing in action. It never fails in life that just when you think that you have it all figured out the yin and yang become unbalanced and your once Feng Shui world becomes a complete negative polarity. Well guess what?  I am living it!  My house is complete disarray, my marriage is under a huge strain, and I want to pack up my shoes, my dogs, and my laptop and head for the sanctuary of alone-ness. Which in all honesty is where I have been camped out most of the time this past week…or two whenever I could master an escape!

I am slowly learning that it is normal that there are times in life when something’s will become all-consuming.  However, it never fails that during  these periods of consumption when the goal is to devote all of your time and energy into dealing with it, inevitably, a hundred other things feel neglected in the process and they too command for your attention. This is the point at which I feel like I have suddenly been diagnosed with a rare strain of life-ADHD and I no longer know which way it up. Overwhelmed doesn’t quite seem to describe it. I will admit if they had a pill as a quick fix for this type of syndrome, I would certainly be in the mood to entertain it.  For me, there is nothing worse than feeling completely bombarded with problems that you are powerless to fix. I am a challenge taker, a problem solver, a fight till the death kind of soul, yet currently I find myself incapacitated.

I feel like a fish out of water flipping and flopping and gasping with air-okay that metaphor isn’t conveying it for me…to put it frankly, I have been bulldozed by Bullsh#t!   There is no other real way to describe it…I laugh out loud as I say it. You see, my dear friend and I spent a three hour conversation over the phone while drinking wine discussing the several pressing matters that have had me otherwise accosted.  We came to the conclusion that sometimes it is necessary to curse aloud to alleviate the stress and get the point across. Now, I know that there are many people who find it offensive to hear the F-bomb drop, or things described in a somewhat colourful lingo-If you are one of those people, then by all means put on your earmuffs!

So much is lost when you censor your self with social decorum, political correctness, and proper English vocabulary. This tip toeing around matters of importance, areas of disagreement, and fits of anger is positively maddening to me. I am a passionate and extremely emotional woman. There is nothing I detest more than having to suppress myself to pacify those people who fear raw human emotion. You know those types of people who fear loud voices, don’t want to rock the boat, don’t want to hear your truth, or lest actually feel something real. Sadly, when conversing with this candy-coated governor the exact thing you are trying to convey inevitably looses its Umph! For example, there is a substantial difference between saying, “all of this is making me dreadful and frustrated!” and “this is all F@&King BullSh#T!  You see, my friend and I decided-sometimes it takes a curse to get the point across with the exact amount of pain and suffering that you are feeling.

Currently, I am feeling just that. This is all F@&king Bullsh#T!  I am struggling with a career I detest, a dysfunctional blended family, a proverbial tick-tock in my uterus and I am trapped in the economic rut of real estate.  I have been swallowed up whole with the needs of the day…every day.  I find myself lacking enthusiasm and totally disorganized with my time and needs. So I apologize for the absence, no need to send for the search troops.  I will be back soon, once I tend to a few things, take my fair share of alone-ness, let off a little steam, drink a lot of wine, adjust my colourful attitude, and rebalance my yin and yang!

2009/09/23 at 2:34 PM 3 comments


It’s all Ella Mental!

If you asked me 3 years ago would I consider becoming a stepmother I would have choked emphatically NO! Probably not just no, but HELL NO! I would never entertain the thought of trying to raise someone else’s kid(s) or be married to a man with an enormous load of shh...Shall I just say, B-A-G-G-A-G-E (Pronounced: OMG!) I have seen enough drama on the colourful trails of adventure in my life, enough to know that I would simply not ever knowingly plop myself down amidst the chaos of a stepfamily.

Well, in 2006 I ate my words…

I am a 35-year-old career woman, wife to the most dashingly authentic man on this planet…sorry ladies…and gents! I am a “Mother” ( I quote this b/c I don’t believe that you have to pass a spirited life through your Va-Jay-Jay to be one.) …of 4 wild-hearted four-legged children, and the stepmother to a wickedly brilliant 7-year-old stepdaughter.

Feel free to accompany me as I write about my vastly changing life, my kids; both four-legged and two, my (step) Family (I place this in parenthesis b/c I don’t consider anyone under my roof with the term step, they are simply FAMILY to me!) … and the trials and tribulations of transitioning from a single woman into a stepmother (not always) with grace.

Ella Mental Contact

stepmotherwithgrace@gmail.com

Ella Mental Necessity

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