M.I.A.

That is where I have been literally, missing in action. It never fails in life that just when you think that you have it all figured out the yin and yang become unbalanced and your once Feng Shui world becomes a complete negative polarity. Well guess what?  I am living it!  My house is complete disarray, my marriage is under a huge strain, and I want to pack up my shoes, my dogs, and my laptop and head for the sanctuary of alone-ness. Which in all honesty is where I have been camped out most of the time this past week…or two whenever I could master an escape!

I am slowly learning that it is normal that there are times in life when something’s will become all-consuming.  However, it never fails that during  these periods of consumption when the goal is to devote all of your time and energy into dealing with it, inevitably, a hundred other things feel neglected in the process and they too command for your attention. This is the point at which I feel like I have suddenly been diagnosed with a rare strain of life-ADHD and I no longer know which way it up. Overwhelmed doesn’t quite seem to describe it. I will admit if they had a pill as a quick fix for this type of syndrome, I would certainly be in the mood to entertain it.  For me, there is nothing worse than feeling completely bombarded with problems that you are powerless to fix. I am a challenge taker, a problem solver, a fight till the death kind of soul, yet currently I find myself incapacitated.

I feel like a fish out of water flipping and flopping and gasping with air-okay that metaphor isn’t conveying it for me…to put it frankly, I have been bulldozed by Bullsh#t!   There is no other real way to describe it…I laugh out loud as I say it. You see, my dear friend and I spent a three hour conversation over the phone while drinking wine discussing the several pressing matters that have had me otherwise accosted.  We came to the conclusion that sometimes it is necessary to curse aloud to alleviate the stress and get the point across. Now, I know that there are many people who find it offensive to hear the F-bomb drop, or things described in a somewhat colourful lingo-If you are one of those people, then by all means put on your earmuffs!

So much is lost when you censor your self with social decorum, political correctness, and proper English vocabulary. This tip toeing around matters of importance, areas of disagreement, and fits of anger is positively maddening to me. I am a passionate and extremely emotional woman. There is nothing I detest more than having to suppress myself to pacify those people who fear raw human emotion. You know those types of people who fear loud voices, don’t want to rock the boat, don’t want to hear your truth, or lest actually feel something real. Sadly, when conversing with this candy-coated governor the exact thing you are trying to convey inevitably looses its Umph! For example, there is a substantial difference between saying, “all of this is making me dreadful and frustrated!” and “this is all F@&King BullSh#T!  You see, my friend and I decided-sometimes it takes a curse to get the point across with the exact amount of pain and suffering that you are feeling.

Currently, I am feeling just that. This is all F@&king Bullsh#T!  I am struggling with a career I detest, a dysfunctional blended family, a proverbial tick-tock in my uterus and I am trapped in the economic rut of real estate.  I have been swallowed up whole with the needs of the day…every day.  I find myself lacking enthusiasm and totally disorganized with my time and needs. So I apologize for the absence, no need to send for the search troops.  I will be back soon, once I tend to a few things, take my fair share of alone-ness, let off a little steam, drink a lot of wine, adjust my colourful attitude, and rebalance my yin and yang!